How to Talk to Anyone

What I learned from solo traveling to the most sociable country in the world...

I’ve been to a lot of places, but Spain takes the cake for vibiest people. 

Late nights, free-flowing vino…

There’s no better place to learn the art of conversation. 

Being an American from the burbs, I was pretty amazed at how easily people approached over there. 

Like you guys are actually talking to strangers?

How?

Was it some sort of perfect cold approach technique?

Actually, not in the slightest.

They had a different mindset when it came to socializing.  

Here’s what I learned…

# 1 : PRACTICE NON-THINKING 

Here’s a paradox: 

Think back to a time where THINKING blocked you from DOING something amazing. 

Most of the time, our excuses for not approaching or starting a conversation are fear-based. 

It’s the “what” phenomenon:

“What if I get embarrassed?”

“What if they don’t like me?”

“What’s the point?”

It’s not your fault. 

There’s a fear center in your brain specifically designed to avoid uncomfortable emotions. 

So what’s the solution? 

Non-thinking.

Non-thinking is a state of mind where you simply don’t worry about the outcome. 

Everything feels much lighter. 

So the best way to achieve this is through the 3 Ms. 

Meditation, mindfulness, and mantras. 

Remember this before you initiate contact. 

# 2 : REMOVE SLBs 

In his book “Dating Essentials for Men,” Dr. Glover talks about removing “self-limiting beliefs” (SLBs) from your thinking. 

What are SLBs? 

Here are some examples:

“I shouldn’t talk to her because she’ll think I’m creepy.” 

“I’m not attractive enough.” 

“She’s too beautiful to be single.” 

Sound familiar? 

In a nutshell — they are excuses. 

But remember that self-limiting beliefs are only in place to avoid anxiety…

They are NOT reflective of reality. 

The most common SLB is the fear of rejection. 

But consider this — what really is rejection? 

IT’S NOTHING. 

Rejection is simply your thinking reflected back at you. 

It does not determine your worth. 

This applies to dating, job hunting, whatever…

So reframe this misleading word, and great things will come. 

# 3 : PRESS THE RED BUTTON 

At the end of the day, sometimes you just gotta press the button and go. 

People in Spain are masters of this, probably because their culture is centered around plazas instead of mini-mansions. 

Practice makes perfect.

If you’re having trouble calming your nerves, try following a framework. 

Here’s one that I use: 

• Icebreaker (genuine compliment)
• Ask questions
• “Let’s grab a coffee sometime.”

Adjust these to fit your situation, but in general keep it light.

Still having issues? 

Dr. G recommends joining something totally out of your comfort zone. 

This could be salsa classes, hiking groups, or even kickball. 

Ultimately, learn to embrace the feeling of discomfort. 

Endless rewards headed your way.