The Problem with Nice Guys
So I have a friend who lives on the Upper East Side in NYC.
He’s a successful software bro who has plenty of disposable income to take out preppy girls to Carbone every other weekend.
It would be a pretty saucy time…
But here’s the problem:
He’s the epitome of a nice guy.
Sadly, no one with XX chromosomes comes anywhere near his apartment.
Unless it’s for a “move furniture” request.
Anyways, I can relate to him.
Most of my early 20s were spent writing the nice guy playbook.
And it never ends nicely.
Unfortunately, my buddy right now is in the denial stage.
He’s still convinced he’ll find “the one” someday.
Send him some prayer emojis.
Jokes aside —
Here’s why nice guys finish last.
So…
What exactly makes nice guys unattractive?
Well, the origin story of our nice guy begins in crowded school classrooms.
They’re usually the quiet kid.
Sketching in the back.
Probably not too confident in themselves.
So as a result…
They resort to “being nice” to capture any sort of validation.
And ten years later — they do the same sh*t.
It’s not their fault.
But here’s the problem.
Nice guys immediately erase the behaviors women find highly attractive:
- Confidence
- Mystery
- Scarcity
Here’s how…
# 1 | CONFIDENCE
Women want a man who is stable and secure.
And confidence is a skill that demonstrates these qualities.
Compare these two:
Hey, would you like to maybe go to dinner with me?
VS.
Give me your number. We’ll grab a drink sometime.
Nice guys default to the former because they’re worried about rejection or offending her.
By definition — it is low faith in your actions.
Negative aura bros.
So how do you become more confident?
The truth is — you don’t actually need confidence.
When you ask a question, you are simply testing for high or low interest.
That’s it.
The response doesn’t matter.
You are just looking for women who are genuinely interested in you.
This allows you to treat the runway model as your equal.
Now…
If you’re struggling to detach yourself from the “yes!” response…
Your other option is to glow up.
Get ripped, dress dapper AF, improve your lifestyle…
This means a higher probability of the “yes!” outcome — which makes you more confident.
# 2 | MYSTERY
Yapping about your 9–5 or favorite episode of “The Office” doesn’t get her aroused.
Nah bro.
It just inserts you into the friend zone, or blocklist if you’re lucky.
Don’t monologue.
Now…
Mystery doesn’t mean sit in the corner and pray she comes talk to you.
You’ll be waiting until you’re fossilized.
Break the ice, and then switch into cool mode.
Pro listening tips:
- Eye contact
- Slightly tilt your head
- Occasional head nods
- No unsolicited advice
This works because it ties into scarcity.
# 3 | SCARCITY
The chase is highly stimulating for women.
And being too available signals low status.
The moment you text her back ASAP or comply with every schedule change…
You’re actually saying —
“I have nothing better to do than follow you.”
The dynamic becomes Queen and peon instead of King & Queen.
I used to do this a lot as a former nice guy, especially if I thought she was “out of my league.”
But I’ll spare you the secondhand cringe and hit the takeaway:
Nobody thinks twice about oxygen.
Gold is universally loved.
That’s the power of scarcity.
If you would like to get articles like this sent directly to your email, hit subscribe.
It’s completely free & allows me to focus my time on doing what matters — helping you become undeniably attractive.
Member discussion